i miss these children. i miss the joy (not happiness) i experienced in Haiti. i miss feeling like i was doing something significant. i miss how HARD it was and how UNCOMFORTABLE and how that made it so easy to recognize my lack, my need. and now i’m back in the ‘flow’ of regular old going-to-school American comfortable busy life- and i hateeee it. but i KNOW this is where He wants me right now. and i need to adjust my attitude. they say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. and i’ve always been tough. but maybe it’s time to be soft. to be broken in ways i’ve never been broken before. the Lord is teaching me about letting go, and about giving Him control. about trusting Him. every time i think i’m doing a good job of leaning on Him- He throws me for another loop and takes me deeper and the challenges seem 18 times more challenging than they were before. and it’s hard. and it’s not easy. but He is so faithful, how can i doubt that He knows what He is doing?! i need to (WANT to) keep my eyes on the One who has me here, now, in this moment for a reason, a purpose- one that i may not be able to see fully now, but one that i believe is important. one that will bring Him glory. and that’s what matters. that’s what i’m living for. even when i don’t feel Him close, or see Him clearly in the circumstances of my life, i KNOW deep in my soul that He loves me… and i want THAT to be my motivation. all to Him i owe.
it’s not for us, it’s all for You
